Fish

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I Will Remember You

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories



Sung by Sarah McLachlan


September 11, 2001




I will never forget that day.  I was at my parents home in Ontario, my mom who never watches TV during the day, got a phone call and when she turned the TV on, I knew something big was happening.  It was like watching a movie, not something that was actually happening. My heart went out to all of the people who lost someone in that senseless tragedy.

I think it's important that each year we mark the day and take a moment to remember the people who lost their lives, but this year, the 10th anniversary I see the coverage from ground zero, and see how it's changing and becoming a symbol of hope.  I loved to see the waterfall and the names of people who lost their lives there in bronze surrounding it, and I wonder why the sight and sound of water calms and soothes us so?

This time holds a lot of memories for me, of a precious time that I'll always hold close to my heart.  Tragic for a different, more personal reason.

August 2010 I got a phone call from my parents that no one wants to receive.  My dad had been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer.  My husband and I talked and we decided that Josh and I would go back to spend time with him.  I wanted Josh to have memories of my dad and living so far away, we didn't get to see him that often.  We bought our tickets and flew to Ontario on September 10th....after seeing what happened on the 11th I told my parents, I'm so glad I arrived the day before because had my ticket been for after the 11th, I wouldn't have come. I had a hard time getting on the plane to come home.  I've always been a nervous flyer, and of course that event compounded it.

My father passed away on the morning of November 12, 2001 and I am so happy I got to spend that time with him, hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him.  We had some great long talks about life, I listened  and laughed with him at stories he told me of the antics of him and his buddies when they were young boys.  I also listened to mistakes he thought he'd made and regrets he'd had.  When I was by myself all alone, I cried for him.  I loved him so much and I knew he was dying.

It's hard to believe it's been 10 years, and as much as we want it to STOP, life marches on.....

Josh was 6 when we flew to Ontario, and he's 16 now and in his last year of high school. Did we raise him the right way?  Did we teach him enough?

In 2005 my husband of 22 years suddenly and unexpectedly died and all the sudden I wasn't so sure of myself and my life anymore. A life I was happy with and quite secure in, and I thought it would go on forever......

In 2008 I got remarried to a wonderful man, who suffered the same tragedy and lost his wife the same way I lost my husband. We connected instantly and never looked back.


I cry when I watch the memorial and see the families who lost someone in the 9-11 tragedy.  My heart goes out to them, I feel their pain of losing loved ones.  I lost in a very different way than them, but it's all loss, and there is never enough time to spend with those you love.


Tracey Heart

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Ain't it Funny How Time Slips Away.....

Well, hello there 
My, it's been a long, long time 
How'm I doin'? Well, I guess I'm doin' fine 
It's been so long now
 An' it seems like it was only yesterday 
Ain't it funny how time slips away?


Sung by Willie Nelson



Ok I admit it's been awhile ~ but I have reasons, well, excuses really but what can I say??
I'm not going to give you a day to day blow of my life (that would be much too boring!)  but I'll give you the fine points of what's been happening in my world....

February 24 we had to put Theodore down ~ OHMYGOSH that was just too sad to say the least.  Ray called me at work, he thought Theodore had a heart attack or stroke, he fell against the back of the couch and couldn't walk properly when he got up.  When I got off work we rushed him to the vet's office and the vet told us he had a heart murmur and on a scale of 1 to 4 he was a 4 :/  We could have kept him going with tests and medicine, but decided against it as it was very selfish on our part, keeping him alive because we didn't want to lose him......WAY TOO SAD, and I miss him terribly!



I made this scrapbook page for him ~ I miss and love him so much ~ he really was the best dog anyone could ask for, Rest in Peace old buddy <3


Ok March, we went  to the US for Spring Break ~ 2 glorious weeks in Flowing Lake.  Well, truth be told, it was COLD and rainy but we had a great time....we love that area and it was so nice to get away.

April ~ hmmmmm April was a blur except, our Winston was so lonely without his buddy Theodore, we emailed the breeder that we got him from and his mom had a litter the night I emailed her!!  We were number 4 in line (there were 7 pups ~ 5 male, 2 female to choose from) which meant I'd *probably* have to take a male as I knew the females would go quick.....and I was right ~ although we ended up the third pick, the 2 before us took the females :)  I let Ray pick him and he made a great choice....now a name...which is a story in itself.....We had Theodore and I chose the name Winston to go along with that....I didn't want Theodore and Spot or Rover....Winston was a great fit....now I'm in the same predicament a name to go along with Winston ~ and NO Ray we cannot call him Theodore in honour of our beloved pet.....I loved Oliver...and wanted it so badly. Ray didn't like it ~ his choice?? CLARENCE...OMGosh I have work ahead of me....One night Meaghan, Ray's daughter was over and out of the blue she said how about Spencer?  We both loved it, and we now have Spencer :)

Is he the cutest thing you ever saw?  We love him :)
He's brought a new life into our home after losing Theodore so suddenly.  And the best part is Winston likes him and they play all the time.



We got all the grandkids Easter stuff for Easter ~ Ray's son and his family were out of town for Easter, so we went into their home and left a trail of Easter candy down the hall and into their bedrooms ~ left goodies on their beds so they were surprised when they arrived home :)  It was fun to do again ~ my 16 year old just wants his candy...

About 3 weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with the room spinning....I was diagnosed with vertigo....It's horrible, I'm dizzy and nauseated most of the time...well, I should clarify, I'm dizzier than I normally am :)  I've been off work for 3 weeks and in physiotherapy for it.  I'm hoping to go back soon, but don't want to rush it or I'll just be off again....
I'm also going this month to get my gallbladder removed ~ when it rains it pours!! I finally got a date after 6 months of waiting for one!

The best thing that has happened ~ today we were babysitting grandchildren and when they were being picked up, their mom had a bouquet of flowers with her ~ she handed it to me with a card....from your grandchildren....for mother's day!!  

What a wonderful surprise and a lovely gesture on Meaghan's part.  It was so sweet and thoughtful of her and I appreciate it so much!  We've been through a lot, blending families and being accepted into this one, but I think I've finally made it :)  and I'm happy to be part of it.

Aren't they beautiful??  I love them :)

I'll treasure this card forever...it means so much to me....

Take care of yourself, see you next time....


Tracey Heart

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Simple Life

Spend my days in the sweet sunshine
Rock in my swing and watch my garden grow
Know that I'll always have someone to hold
Oh I-I-I wanna live the simple life Yeah
Sung by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Recently I was watching the local Saturday morning news and watched an interesting interview with Rachel Jonat aka The Minimalist Mom.  I've never heard of her or the minimalist life before ~ they mentioned her website The Minimalist Mom and I casually looked at it and got to thinking.....hmmmmmmmm  wouldn't it make life easier?  Could I do it?


She mentioned in the interview a true minimalist has no more than 100 things, she also said she had more than that, although she didn't say how many she had and I was quite impressed when they showed before and after photos of her and her husband's closets!
THINK ABOUT THAT....100 THINGS OR LESS???  Now I'm all for cutting down and simplifying my life, what I'm not so sure about is how in the heck can anyone live with 100 things or less?  


My first question was ~ you get to keep 100 things EACH right?  WRONG...it's 100 things per household ~ and no matter how much the idea of using what you have really appeals to me, there is no way the 3 of us could only have 100 things between us ~ we each have at least 7 pairs of underwear and socks each, that's 42 things right there and that's not even a shirt, blouse, jeans dress slacks, sweater, jacket, mittens, hats not to mention shoes, purses, toiletries, dishes, pots/pans, COOKBOOKS (which I have A LOT of), food, furniture, knick knacks, photos, plants, I could go on and on  ~ and I feel a panic attack coming on just thinking about all the things I have in this house ~ breathe, Tracey, breathe!!


My next question ~ does the package of 30 rolls of toilet paper I buy at Costco count as 1 items or 30? Oh man, I'm in big trouble here....


When Ray and I got married, we had to combine 2 homes ~ which is hard for anyone.  I had my things, Ray had his, and of course I wanted to keep what I had and Ray wanted to keep what he had and we ended up having some heated debates and hurt feelings about about who's stuff to keep and use and even at the time, I was surprised how unwilling we each were to let our stuff go.


I work for a school district and I get summers off ~ and for the last 3 summers, I've sorted through all the stuff in the garage and was very happy with myself that I got rid of more than 1 full pickup truck load each time, and although it's neater now, it's still packed to the rafters with stuff we can't part with ~ whether it's stuff we're sentimental about or stuff we are sure we'll need in the future.


I'm far from a hoarder, but I'll confess right now ~ my kitchen cupboards, junk drawers, chest of drawers, closet each have more than 100 things in them, I have stuff in each of the above named places that is brand new and never been used/worn...


As much as I love the idea of the simple life ...and as much as I know we don't need all this stuff ~  I just know that that the minute I get rid of ANYTHING I'm going to need it, kick myself in the butt for getting rid of it ~ and go to the store to replace it!



Tracey Heart

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Only Love.....

Only love sails straight from the harbor
And only love will lead us to the other shore
Out of all the flags i've flown
One flies high and stands alone
Only love

Sung by Wynonna


I love my husband, he is such a great guy ~ he comes off as rough and gruff, and when most people meet him they don't like him, however if they stick around long enough to get to know him, they realize he's a sheep in wolf's clothing!

He has no filter what-so-ever....if he thinks it he will say it...which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the circumstances and he is brutally honest...which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the circumstances :)

He is stuck in his ways ~ which are very old fashioned ~ he doesn't like change and how the younger generation (it's all about me, me, me and screw you) behaves, and while I don't agree with all of his old fashioned beliefs ~ I love my job, speaking up to defend myself, the ability to vote ~ there is something to be said for the way the world used to be.


We are very loving and demonstrative toward each other ~ (this is very creepy to my 16 year old son, which can be lots of fun sometimes) and I know this comes from learning how short and delicate life is through the loss of our previous spouses.

He never fails to amaze me....

  



he's got a smile that is very infectious....










he's always appreciative of things I do for him


this bouquet arrived at work one day ~ the card reads Just Because I Love You
he always has something nice to say to me, or doing something for me to make me feel special


he's always encouraging me to do stuff he knows I want to try









he's always doing goofy things and acting silly...
















to make me laugh...














...and boy does he make me laugh :)















He is so good with his grandchildren ~ you can see the love in his eyes when he spends time with them.
and he's very proud of all of them :)








Can you see his enthusiasm?


I know these pics don't show it, but he really did NOT want to put the hat on, but we talked him into it :) and it looks so good on him!!




This is one of my favorite photos of him ~ it was taken just after we first met.





One of my favorite photos of us :)






                           My favorite photo of our wedding 

                    




we got married very quickly ~ 6 months after meeting ~ we got a lot of grief from our families and friends about it BUT I knew I was making the right choice and so did he and thank the Lord we were both right!!  As I explained to my 16 year old son, who I just found out recently was upset I got married so quickly ~ we aren't 19 years old, I was 46 and he 54 and we both had been in long term marriages and knew what we were getting into and what it takes to make a marriage work ~ yes, we've had our down times and it hasn't been all smooth but I think that's what makes the good times even better. 


Our wedding was very low key and quiet and I loved it.  I went to work on a Friday and at lunch in comes Ray with a dozen roses and announces we're getting married tonight!  I was in shock ~ I didn't believe he was serious!  I was also very happy and very much in love.  I went home from work, had a long hot bath, got dressed went downstairs and got married :)  It really couldn't have been better ~ it was stress free and intimate.  Afterward, we went to the Keg and had a great dinner with a couple family members and friends.



Happy Anniversary Babe, you'll always be the King of my heart ;) 

Love you forever


Tracey Heart

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Here comes the Sun


Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right 


Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces 
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here 
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun 
and I say it's all right 

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... 
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... 
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... 
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... 
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... 

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting 
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear 
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, 
and I say it's all right 
It's all right 

Sung by the Beatles...





nuff' said...


Tracey Heart

Saturday, January 29, 2011

There is Beauty in the World

Listen to the sound and lose it
Its sweet music and dance with me
There is beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Always beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world
Pick your diamond pick your pearl there is beauty in the world
All together now

Sung by Macy Gray


It's Saturday morning ~ it's 8am and I've been up since 5am.  I know ~ you think I'm crazy, I get up at 6:30 everyday for work and a lot of mornings these days, I have a hard time getting out of bed,  and I only get 2 days to sleep in ~ but I love coming downstairs to quiet!


I think it comes with age, but I like quiet these days ~ I never appreciated it before ~ I always needed some kind of noise to feel comfortable.  




Today I lit some candles for ambiance....





...and took advantage of the peace and quiet ~ There is nothing like sitting with a coffee by yourself and relaxing.  I check email and spend time at favorite websites ~ reading, learning, copying recipes I think I'd like to try!  No noise except the click of the my fingers on the keyboard!  



Even the dogs were taking advantage of this moment!

Soon it will be all over, and the noise of the day will begin ~ but I will bathe in the peace and quiet for now :)  Have a great Saturday.


Tracey Heart

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer
Those days of soda and pretzels and beer
Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer
You'll wish that summer could always be here



Sung by Nat King Cole


I'm waiting for winter to be long gone, and the nice weather to get here!! It hasn't even been that long or bad of a winter, but I'm so looking forward to hooking up the trailer and get away for the weekend. We don't usually go far, just across the border (thank the Lord for Nexus passes ;) to Birch Bay most weekends ~ sometimes I'm feeling spoiled and want wi-fi and TV so we go a bit further to Burlington, but we both love Birch Bay.



        We always try and go down the beach and catch the gorgeous sunsets


If we don't make the beach, I catch it through the trees

 
                        Lookit that, a site with our name on it :)


We take the dogs with us, they are so well behaved :)


Beautiful scenery


Chillin' out at Birch Bay

I'll be sitting inside waiting patiently for the weather to improve so we can hook up and take off for the weekend or our vacation :)

Tracey Heart